Marriage Rules Examples & 3 Must-Know Reasons Why They Didn’t Work in Your Marriage

How do marriage rules like “2/2/2 rule” work, and not work?

In this article, you will learn variations of inspirational & practical marriage rules, such as the 2/2/2 rule. They are great frameworks that will make your life easier when it comes to nurturing your romantic relationship.

Oh, I wish I knew them earlier! My 23-year marriage broke down recently because either myself or my ex-husband knew how to nurture our romantic relationship. You might have heard of the rules and even tried them before. How was it? Life changing, good, “meh”, or bad?

Maybe you’re reading this and saying with a sigh, “I tried that, but it didn’t work.” If so, stick around; I will reveal the 3 possible reasons why they didn’t work in your marriage. If you can address the reasons, those marriage rules will become useful.

This post is all about marriage rules and the reasons why they aren’t always the direct solution to unhappy marriage.

Marriage Rules Examples

These types of marriage rules give structure to a couple when they decide to invest time and effort in their romantic relationship. They can also be called couple’s rituals. They are practical, powerful and easy to adjust according to your situation.

Which one appeals to you most?

These are the tools that help you prioritise quality time, whether daily, weekly, monthly or yearly. So, sit down with your partner, grab your favourite drinks, diaries & calendar. Start anywhere that seems realistic to you, and make sure that you both understand that you can adjust or change it later. The important thing is to talk about it, come to an agreement, stick to it, and have fun!

Why They Didn’t Work in Your Marriage

Reason 1: Forgetting to Prioritise

When our lives get busy with career development, illness, childbirth, caring for ageing parents, etc., our romantic relationship tends to be pushed down to the bottom of our priority list. Most of us don’t realise we are putting our most precious relationship at risk if we don’t prioritise it. 

The key is to keep reminding yourself of the importance, be consistent and stick to the rule.

Having said that, be flexible and create your own new marriage rules as needed. When life happens, you may not have the same amount of time, money or energy. So, for example, if you have been doing the “6/6/6 Rule”, and it’s getting harder to go on a long trip every 6 months for whatever reason, talk to your partner about it. Maybe you’ll try the “5/5/5 Rule” instead, or even the 1 1 1 Rules.

Oh, and if it’s the other way around, wouldn’t that be brilliant? Say, if your children have grown up and left home, which means you have more time and money. You can go for a longer or more frequent activity together.

Reason 2: Underlying Issues in Your Relationship

You wanted to improve the relationship with your spouse and tried something like the marriage rules above… But, nothing changed? It actually created more arguments and resentment, so you just gave up? It can happen. In this case, there are underlying issues that you need to address. For example;

Negative Communication

How is your communication pattern, positive or negative? 

😃Positive Communication😃
Clear, respectful, and empathetic. It involves active listening which makes both partners feel heard and understood. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, nodding, and open body language play a crucial role, too. When communication is positive, it fosters trust & intimacy, and it further deepens the connection between you and your partner.

😠Negative Communication😠
Criticism, defensiveness, and contempt are the characteristics of this type of communication. It often involves interrupting, dismissing the other person’s feelings, or using hurtful language. Nonverbal cues can also betray negative communication—crossed arms, rolling eyes, avoiding eye contact etc. Negative communication erodes trust, creates emotional distance, and it can lead to the breakup.

Even in a healthy relationship, conflicts happen. The difference between happy couple and unhappy couple is how they use positive & negative interactions during conflict. Kyle Benson explains that there should be a lot more positive interactions to counteract a single negative interaction during conflict.

Lack of Trust & Forgiveness

Do you trust each other? You might have experienced a minor degree of mistrust or two in your marriage if you were together for a long time. Has it been addressed or ignored? When we don’t address the issue, resentment builds up. 

We often avoid or ignore it because it’s a difficult conversation to have. However, rebuilding trust is one of the crucial rules for a happy relationship. And, for rebuilding trust, we must be able to forgive each other.

Learn more about how trust and forgiveness work together to strengthen your marriage HERE. 

Reason 3. Underlying Issues in Yourself

Are you happy with yourself? Ask,

“Am I happy?” 
“Am I really, really happy?”

I used to think I was happy and tell people that I was happy. My life was stable, I had everything I needed, I was healthy, and I was grateful for all that. However, deep inside of me, I craved more fulfilment and emotional connection in marriage.

When I dug down deep to reveal the roots of my unhappiness, I found lack of self intimacy—an intimate relationship with myself. Self intimacy means knowing and accepting your body & mind to truly connect with yourself. Surprisingly, this becomes the fundamental element to connect with other human beings, such as your spouse, in much deeper level.

So, if you’re not sure of your true self, or already aware of the need to deeply connect with your own body & mind, take the self intimacy journey. Find out about this transformative journey HERE.

Wrap-up

1 1 1 Rule, 2/2/2 Rule, 3/3/3 Rule, 5/5/5 Rule, 6/6/6 Rule, 7/7/7 Rule… you can use these examples as the starting point, and create one that suits the current situation of your relationship. I hope you feel excited about the idea: having clear marriage rules to live by and connecting deeply with your partner!

Always remember, it’s non-negotiable that you invest time in someone to cherish the relationship.

If you don’t feel excited, take a look at the three reasons that can be stopping these marriage rules to work.
Reason 1: Forgetting to prioritise
Reason 2: Underlying issues in your relationship
Reason 3. Underlying issues in yourself
Does any of them apply to your relationship? Working on the underlying issues may take time and effort, but that’s where you can make the change.

I encourage you to be the change you want to see in your marriage because after all, it’s all about your happiness.

This post was all about marriage rules and the reasons why they aren’t always the direct solution to unhappy marriage.