3 Levels of Beginner-Friendly Self Intimacy Exercises You Can Start Today

Try these self intimacy exercises and learn how to connect with your body.

Are you on a journey to build better self awareness and a stronger connection with your own body? Maybe it’s related to your love relationship?

I understand how challenging it can be to truly accept and learn how to reconnect with yourself. But, here’s the secret; Self intimacy is the key. In fact, Self intimacy is the key to improve all aspects of your life. Read “What is Self Intimacy?” to find out what it means. 

Today, you’ll learn practical and simple self intimacy exercises. I’ll also share some preparation tips that turn these exercises into a ritual that you want to cherish.

This post is all about beginner-friendly self intimacy exercises you can start today.

1. Prep

1-1. Make sure to make time

Carve out 1 hour in your weekly schedule.

When we have an appointment with a doctor or our best friend, we do our best to show up. So, why not treating your Self intimacy time as important as those appointments? Schedule your Self intimacy time in your diary and make sure to show up.

Sunday morning is the best time for my “self intimacy exercises” because I usually don’t have any commitments around that time. This might be different for you. Can you think of a slot once a week that suits you best, when you can be alone, most relaxed and not disturbed? This is the time for your “self intimacy exercises”.

Could it be Friday evening, weekday morning (after the children are gone to school), or the afternoon? Scheduling in your diary is the best way to make this precious time for yourself, the person you should care about most.

Last Sunday morning, I woke up feeling a little bit horny. I liked the feeling and thought of masturbating. Well, I could have done it and probably enjoyed it. But I decided not to.

Most of the time, our masturbation is goal-oriented, trying to quickly achieve a short-lived pleasure of orgasm, often focusing directly on our sex organs.

As a woman with an extremely low sex drive, I rarely masturbate. I used to feel like I was missing out on something! But here is the thing. Since I learnt about slowing down and savouring the feel of pleasure, I feel liberated that I actually don’t “have to” do the goal-oriented, common style of masturbation. There is a lot more to the act of self pleasure. It brings you calmness, relaxation, self-love and more.

So, what did I do that Sunday morning? I took deep breaths as I circulated the sexual energy in my sex chakra through my body. And then, I did the vulva hug meditation (you can find the link to this guided meditation later in this post). It was one of the most beautiful self love exercises I had done, filled with compassion and acceptance.

1-2. Set the scene

Once you’ve scheduled your Self intimacy time in your diary, start preparing the space to create the best atmosphere for the important appointment! Ask yourself these questions;

• Will the room be warm and cosy for maximum relaxation?
• Is there a lock on the door which may help me feel safe and relaxed?
• What will I have for my Self Intimacy Altar?
  Self Intimacy Altar is a space to keep your favourite things that stimulate all your senses: sound, smell, sight, touch, and taste.
• Is it possible for me to put away my phone, turn off notifications, or mute during the Self intimacy time? If not, what can I do to minimise distraction?

2. Self intimacy exercise examples

Now that the prep is done, let’s get down to business. Remember, drop judgment & have no agenda. This is your time for self exploration and getting to know yourself sexually.

2-1. Listen to yourself

Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Now, ask yourself;

• “What am I thinking?”
• “What kind of feeling is coming up?”

Listen to yourself carefully, as you learn to identify your needs and desires.

Here’s a little tip for this exercise, if you find yourself dwelling on some kind of negative thoughts and feelings.

Practice “looking at” the negative thoughts and feelings. In other words, detach yourself from them. My favourite way of doing this is to imagine I’m looking at the sky and see the clouds drifting by. These clouds are my thoughts and feelings. I’m lying on the warm, soft grass, relaxing and just looking at the clouds coming and going.

Ignoring negative thoughts and feelings doesn’t let them go away. “Looking at” them and acknowledging them are the significant first steps to overcoming them.

The good news is that it’s a skill you can learn. So, let’s keep practising!

2-2. Look at yourself

To build intimacy with yourself, you need to love yourself.

But, how can you truly love yourself without accepting how your body looks? Can you tell which part of your body you like best?

For most of my life, I didn’t like any part of my body. It’s only in my early 50s, through self intimacy practices, I felt that I liked the look of my legs, ankles and feet while lying on my bed and lifting them up! They are toned and strong. I also feel happy and grateful for them because they give me the independence & freedom to go anywhere, including mountains where I enjoy extensive hillwalking.

things you like about your body

Every time I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, standing naked, I tend to look for the things I don’t like. I never liked how my body looked.

Do you relate?

Many of us never like how our bodies look. To overcome this, we must remind ourselves every day that we are all unique. Commit yourself to the scheduled self intimacy exercises and start accepting how you look and who you are. Keep looking for the things you like about your body, even one thing at a time.

genitals

If you are ready to go further, I encourage you to look at your genital area. I have a feeling that if you’re born with female genitals, you might have never looked at them.

Our genitals, too, are part of our body, a very, very important part indeed. Like any other part of our body, the shape of our genitals is different from one person to another. To create a healthy sexual relationship with yourself and with your partner, looking at your genital area and knowing how it looks is a game-changer.

So, grab a mirror and go for it. If you have never looked at your own genital area, you’ll probably feel uncomfortable at first. You may even judge yourself for doing it. But don’t worry, it’ll get easier over time.

Think of it.

Don’t you let the doctors, nurses and midwives look at your genitals if you have to? So, why not you? You should be the person who best understand the anatomy of your genitals.

Often, as women, we get disgusted by menstruation, its smell, etc. But what’s worse is the societal norms that make it extremely difficult to talk about this part of our body, never mind observing it. These societal norms and stigma attached to genitals are often deeply ingrained and rooted.

We judge ourselves for addressing it, which is a huge roadblock in the journey towards self acceptance and intimacy.

2-3. Touch yourself

Ways to Touch

When was the last time you touched different parts of your body, consciously and mindfully? Have you ever experimented using different ways of touching? Here are some examples you can try. Be curious and let your body tell you what feels good.

• Massage, stroke, tap, squeeze, pinch, scratch etc.
• Change the pressure & speed.
• Change the parts of your hand you use; fingertips, nails, back of your hand etc.
• Don’t overthink. Be creative & playful.
• Pay close attention to how you feel.

Your Unique Erogenous Zones

Oh, and this can also be a practice to find your unique erogenous zones! Yes, they are also unique to each of us. Let’s start from the head and move down towards the feet.

1. Hair
   Put your fingers through your hair, stroke the skin underneath, pull your hair or move it to a different direction.
2. Face
   Touch your face with your finger tips, feel each part of your face. Any particular part you feel more sensitive or pleasurable? Our lips are usually sensitive to touch, and this is one of my erogenous zones.
3. Ears and neck
   Rub or gently pull your ears. Stroke, tap or use different parts of your hand to touch your neck. Explore what makes you feel good.
4. Breast
   This is a part of women’s body that is strongly connected to intimacy and sexuality. There are ways to massage your breasts, but let’s just experiment with our “freestyle” touches on our breasts for now. 
5. Shoulders, arms and hands
   When you touch these parts of your body, you can see the movements of your hands really well. Play around with different touch, pressure and movement. Pay attention to how you feel. Don’t forget to explore the armpits!
6. Hips, glutes and thighs
   Massage, squeeze, pinch, stroke… touch your body in a way you want your partner to touch you. Bring your attention to the connection between your hands and your body.
7. Genital area
   Like your breast, there are ways to massage your genital area. But, let’s start with just hugging your vulva/penis today.
   Listen to this episode where Emily Morse (Doctor of Human Sexuality) invites Dolly Josette (Somatic Sexologist, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Intimacy & Relationship Coach) to her podcast.  A short guided vulva/penis hug meditation is available at the end of this episode.
8. Back of knees and feet
   Can the back of your knee be a spot you never thought would feel good? Focus and see how it feels.
   Finally, give yourself a little foot massage.

How to End The Exercise

Now that you’ve completed self intimacy touch from head to toe, it’s a great idea to go back and give a full body touch, or re-visit the areas where you felt particularly pleasurable.

Freestyle, no judgement, no agenda. Just give your body the loving touch it deserves.

If any judgement comes up to your mind, think of the purpose of this practice. It’s a journey to accept & celebrate your body, a journey to become intimate with yourself, a journey to nurturing self intimacy & self love.

At the end of this self intimacy exercises, take deep breaths, fully relax to calm your body. Never judge yourself, just observe how you feel and the reason why you feel that way.

3. Self intimacy exercises for women struggling with psychological roadblocks

It’s necessary to push yourself sometimes.

But, no need to try hard all the time. If you don’t feel comfortable to look at your body or touch some part of your body, that’s ok.

You may be struggling with some significant psychological roadblocks which stop you from exploring self intimacy exercises.

I talk about these psychological roadblocks and how to overcome them in the post “What is Self Intimacy?”. To be honest, I still struggle with most of them. They are deeply rooted in my past experiences.

So, what is the most important thing to remember?

The most important thing to remember is making time to connect with your body. Show up to yourself, which means you must schedule the weekly solo date and at least do the “Listen to yourself” exercise explained in this post.

Add “Look at yourself” and “Touch yourself” exercises if you are ready.

Some days you feel you can do more. Other days, you just can’t push yourself. It’s like doing workouts. And… that’s totally ok!

Accept the way you are. Never feel disappointed with yourself. Trust that you’re exactly where you are supposed to be.

Wrap-up

Self intimacy is a journey without a destination. Intimacy meaning connection.

Take the first step today. Carve out 1 hour in your weekly schedule for self intimacy exercises. Maybe 1 hour feels too long for you. I get it. Then, start with 10 minutes, 5 minutes, or even 2 minutes! James Clear’s 2-minute rule is a great way to start a new habit. Let’s take a baby step toward building long-lasting self love habits.

Get out of your head and get into your body. Each week, you’ll build a stronger connection to your body. Listen to your body because it never lies.

This post was about beginner-friendly self intimacy exercises you can start today including some preparation tips.