[Part 1] 12 Types of Intimacy and the Surprising Ways They Can Turn Your Unhappy Relationship Around

In this post, you will learn the first 4 of the 12 types of intimacy:
1. Recreational Intimacy 2. Intellectual Intimacy 3. Work Intimacy 4. Commitment Intimacy

Unhappy relationship is where a couple feels disconnected, where we often feel stuck and don’t know how to reconnect with each other.

In this type of relationship, the couple usually only stays together for financial reasons, children, social pressure etc…. anything other than love. This was the exact situation I once was in.

Today, you’ll learn that there are 12 types of intimacy. They can impact your relationship and turn it into a happier one.

This post is about 4 of the 12 types of intimacy that can change your relationship. For 8 other types of intimacy, go to;
[Part 2] “12 Types of Intimacy and How to Improve Couple Intimacy by Focusing on Specific Areas in Your Relationship” &
[Part 3] 12 types of intimacy and must-have tool towards rebuilding intimacy in a relationship

Your Love Relationship Is Your Baby

A relationship is just like a baby. It needs care, love, attention and commitment. Most of us never look at our long-term relationships this way.

I don’t know if you have/had a baby, but do you agree that it takes commitment, time and effort to raise a happy and healthy child? Your baby is a living creature with a soul who depends on you to survive and thrive.

A relationship is like a baby, especially a long-term love relationship. If you nurture your relationship like you do with your baby, the relationship becomes a happy and healthy one. 

So, how do you feel about treating your relationship as if it’s your baby?

Your Needs That Need to Be Met

We all have needs that need to be met. When we start a love relationship which often turns into a committed relationship, it is crucial that we meet each other’s needs as a couple. When this doesn’t happen, we face big problems… frustration builds up, conflict develops and arguments increase.

Nasty.

Here is an eye-opening fact that most people don’t realise;

• We don’t know how to ask our partner in the right way for getting our needs met
• We are not giving our partner what they need in order to get our needs met

Remember, a happy relationship is a two-way street. There must be a shared effort and combined approach.

How Intimacy Plays A Role in Our Relationship

So, what is the role intimacy plays in our relationship? What does it do in meeting each other’s needs? Look at intimacy as a connection.

By building intimacy in different ways and in different areas, you build connections with your partner. And, if you care about your relationship, you should care about building intimacy.

Let’s dive into the first 4 intimacy types. For 8 other types of intimacy, see separate posts: 12 Types of Intimacy [Part 2] & [Part 3].

1. Recreational Intimacy

When was the last time you & your partner had fun together? When was the last time you laughed together so much your face & belly hurt?

Recreational intimacy is about sharing hobbies and things you do for fun/leisure, such as outdoor activities, adventures, playing cards etc. You tap into the Recreational intimacy through these activities.

They make you both feel bonded/connected. They will also make you feel good when you look back on them later in your life.

You are not alone if this has been pushed down near the bottom of your priority list. It happens so easily.

How to make a change? Think/talk about the things you can do with your partner. Start today. Schedule and prioritise it.

It also happens all the time that you & your partner don’t have many hobbies/interests in common. In this case, maybe your partner can participate in part of your hobby, and you do the same for your partner’s hobby.

The most important thing is to remember that it’s a give-and-get relationship. It can be a pain to do something you are not into, I know. But this effort goes a long way in building Recreational intimacy.

Oh, here’s something that might excite you. Why don’t you explore something new that you can do together? This can build another level of intimacy between you & your partner because there are usually not many new things/first-time experiences happening in long-term relationships.

2. Intellectual Intimacy

This type of intimacy is about sharing and respecting each other’s mind and intellect.

For example, you can discuss your interests, something you’ve learned, documentaries/movies you watched, podcasts you listened to, and articles/books you read.

By holding conversations around these topics, you share a lot about each other and each other’s personality. You will also learn how the other person comprehends things. What or how much information you know doesn’t matter in this.

Rather, active listening plays an important role here. You want to acknowledge your partner and show interest by saying,

“Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“Tell me more about what interests you.”
“Why are you into that?”
“Oh, I like that, too.” and so on.

You’ll bond through discussion, practise being vulnerable, feel more connected to your partner, and build trust as you discuss things. When this happens, you are building Intellectual intimacy.

3. Work Intimacy

This is important for a couple in a committed relationship who lives in the same house. You build Work intimacy by sharing common tasks/chores, doing your parts and supporting one another for what’s responsible around the house.

You want to feel equal. It has a profound effect in a relationship to have mutual respect and appreciation.

Resentment can build up if you feel like you are doing more work than your partner. It seems unfair to you. This can also happen with the roommates you are sharing a house with, so I believe we can all relate to it.

But remember, each of us has a different view on how urgent each task is!

What you feel needs to be done doesn’t always match what your partner feels needs to be done. Or, your partner may not be aware that you are doing so much work.

Still, this doesn’t mean that you can leave the situation the way it is.

When you feel unfair and not respected, you don’t want to physically connect with your partner. Can you relate? In other words, Work intimacy affects Physical intimacy. Built up resentment can often become an obstacle that feels almost impossible to overcome.

You need to have an understanding of the two-way street nature of a relationship. You also need to know how to communicate your needs.

Don’t let resentment creep in. Don’t be too patient! Communicate as soon as you feel like you need your partner’s support. This way, you’ll have a better chance of keeping it lighthearted and positive. Say something like,

“Hey, I’m going to finish up the dishes. Can you put out the washing, so that we can go for a walk?”
“Can we get the gardening finished by 4pm and relax together for the rest of the evening?”
“I’ll help children pick up the toys. Would you mind hoovering the floor?”

Of course, it’s not always possible to be perfectly 50/50.

You both go through different phases in your own personal lives. You may have more professional commitments, family commitments, etc. There can also be medical conditions or differences in physical ability. In this case, it’s hard to share the work equally.

Do your best to show your understanding and support for each other. This can make all the difference.

4. Commitment Intimacy

When you have a shared goal as a couple, and you are both committed to achieve it, you connect to each other and build intimacy.

Examples of a couple’s shared goals are: buying a new home, starting a family, starting a business, or improving their relationship.

You’ll face challenges as you move toward these goals. Especially if they are big, once-in-a-life-time kind of goals.

Here, what makes or breaks your relationship is the “We are in this together” spirit. You have to show up and make it clear that you are there for each other to overcome challenges. This brings strong bonding, connection and intimacy.

It can be very difficult for anyone to control negative emotions, words, behaviours and actions when they are under significant pressure. So, working on your communication skills is crucial. This is especially true in close relationships such as couples and families.

To Be Continued

Although we all crave a happy and healthy relationship, the way we connect/reconnect to our partner can be complex. That’s why so many of us are stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Today, we learned 4 different types of intimacy, so let’s take action! Be brave and start this journey. Here’s your next step.

1. Out of the 4 types of intimacy in this post, choose just one type that you want to work on. Is it Recreational, Intellectual, Work or Commitment?
2. Talk to your partner about it. Share this post.
3. See if there is one that you can both agree to work on together.
4. If you are single, identify the type of intimacy you know you need to improve. This is a great opportunity for you to prepare for the future. As you work on this, you will be putting the best energy out there to attract a healthy relationship.
5. Focus on the area you have chosen, make plans, implement your ideas/plans, be patient and stay optimistic!

For 8 other intimacy types, see my posts [Part 2] & [Part 3] of 12 Types of Intimacy.

This post was all about Recreational Intimacy, Intellectual Intimacy, Work Intimacy & Commitment Intimacy, with actions you can take to build these intimacy, and the impact they can make to your relationship.