43+ Scripts & Facts You Can Use When Talking to Your Children About Sex

Talking to your children about sex isn’t an easy task. What kind of words should you use?

We don’t talk about sex because it’s a taboo subject… that’s the environment where I spent most of my life in. Can you relate? Now, time has changed, and I’m eager to break through these barriers.

Sex and masturbation are something we all do at some stage of our lives as human beings. It’s a natural part of us, and should be talked about more, especially because they can also be a source of pain and suffering.

Join me in this post, to learn what to say and what not to say when talking to your children about sex and masturbation. 

This post is about talking to your children about sex and masturbation.

Why do I include masturbation in the sex talk?

Because masturbation is self-exploration. Self-exploration is the starting point of building a solid foundation for your children preparing them for their future relationships.

This is an especially important conversation for girls.

Female masturbation carries so much shame, and it shouldn’t be that way. With education and understanding around healthy and safe masturbation, our daughters will gain deeper connection with their own body, cultivate self intimacy, know their desire and define their boundaries.

So, the goal here is to eliminate the shame around masturbation.

What To Say When Talking To Your Children About Sex

Say “vulva”, “clitoris”, “penis”, “scrotum”

“Bees and birds talk” means the facts about sex that are told to children… I don’t know what to make of this expression.

However, I strongly agree with the idea of not calling genitals “private parts”, “down there”, “pussy”, “wee-wee”, “uh oh” or anything else.

From the get-go, use proper terms for genitals such as “vulva”, “clitoris”, “penis”, “scrotum” same as you would for any other body parts. Explain the anatomy.

This way, we can normalise the topic because we feel that all parts of our body are equally important and ok to talk about. There should be no shame attached to any part of our body.

Say “Talking about sex and masturbation might make you feel uncomfortable”

For an older child, show that you understand how your child may feel. You may decide to share how you felt nervous talking about sex when you were their age.

Say “I need to talk to you about sex because I care about you”

We are living in a society driven by the internet and smartphones, where pornography, sexting or online predators are just a click away.

When talking to your children about sex, the goal is to give your child correct information, show your support and build a good parent child relationship.

Say “Your body is your own”

Help them understand that their body is their own and beautiful as it is. They shouldn’t let anyone judge or hurt their body.

Say “Masturbation is normal”

Let’s face it. If you have a teenage child, she/he has already started masturbating. Let them know that it’s a normal thing that everyone does and a healthy part of human sexuality.

Say “Ask me any questions”

Show that you are open for any questions. Always respond positively when they do ask you questions. This makes you an approachable, go-to person when they need support.

Scripts

Of course, you want to prepare yourself with more detailed information! Here are lots of scripts and facts you can use.

For Teens

Initiating the talk

• “Hey, I want to talk to you about masturbation.”
• “Before, I felt shame around masturbation and sexuality, and it was almost impossible for me to talk about it with anyone. I still feel a little bit uncomfortable, but I want to talk to you about it because I realised that it’s really important.”
• “My parents didn’t talk about this. I’m sure a lot of your friends’ parents wouldn’t talk about it, but I want to do it differently.”
• “I know, this is the kind of topic that might make you a little more nervous. Especially when it’s coming from me.”
• “I understand if you feel awkward.”
• “Sex and masturbation is a natural thing that happens to everyone. But, it’s also something that’s done in private. For this reason, I respect your privacy.”
• “If you started exploring already, that’s totally normal.”
• “If you’ve been masturbating, I want you to keep doing that without shame.”

Explaining the reason why you need to talk about sex and masturbation

• “I want to talk about it because I want you to know that masturbation is a healthy part of your sexuality.”
• “Sex and masturbation is normal. But, if you don’t have the proper information, it can harm you. It’s a little bit like attempting to drive a car without proper knowledge.”
• “Most people learn sex and masturbation from porn, movies and friends. But, a lot of them are misinformation and not normal.”
• “That’s why I want to give you proper information that will help you better understand normal, healthy sex and masturbation.”
• “Some people call masturbation ‘solo sex’. It’s an option that everyone has. Experiencing sexual sensations isn’t limited to the interaction with your boyfriend/girlfriend.”
• “My hope for you is that you can explore your body without shame.”

Giving them facts

Basics:

• “When you hit puberty, your body gives you signals that you’re ready to develop your sexual health.”
• “Your body is your own. You get to decide when & how to touch it. Masturbation is something people should do in a private and safe place.”
• “Masturbation is when people touch their bodies for sexual pleasure. Usually it’s their genitals, but you can explore other areas. You may experience orgasm, but not always.”
• “Orgasm is a spasm of your pelvic floor muscles that feels really good.”
• “It doesn’t matter if you have an orgasm or not. The main goal of masturbation is to explore what makes you feel good and to enjoy it.”
• “What feels good is different for everyone.”
• “Masturbation is healthy. It has many benefits.”

Addiction & frequency:

• “You don’t get addicted to masturbation. But, you could get habituated to certain ways, toys, inputs such as porn.”
• “You can get addicted to pornography, so you must be careful with that.”
• “Anything becomes ‘too much’ or addiction only when it has consequences. For example, things become problems when they start to affect your work, responsibilities, social life and relationships.”
• “If you want to know how often is normal for someone to masturbate, the answer is ‘anything is normal’. Everyone is different.”
• “Some people masturbate more often than others. Some people never masturbate, and that’s ok.”

Sex toys:

• “For girls to try vibrators is a good idea. Some of these toys are able to access deeper, more internal nerve endings than a hand, a penis or anything else alone could access. So, it has the potential to awaken more neural pathways to pleasure.”
• “Make sure that your hands and sex toys are clean when you masturbate.”
• “Vibrators don’t desensitise the clitoris.”
• “Masturbating with sex toys shouldn’t be considered as some lesser kind of pleasure or substitute for sex.”
• “Some people think that only genitals or hands can give us pleasure, but that is a myth and totally untrue.”

Planting the seeds:

• “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it right now.”
• “I will bring up this conversation again because it’s very important.”
• “You can decide if you want to talk about it or not.”
• “Remember that you can always come to me with anything you want to talk about.”

Following up:

• “Hey, remember that conversation we had? Is there any question you want to ask?”
• “Do you have any new questions about sex or masturbation? Is there anything that concerns you?”
• “How are you getting on with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Anything I can listen to or help you with?”

Sex Education at School

“Parents should not rely on the school system to teach sex education. If your child is taught sex education at school, ask them what they learned and review it with them.” About Kids HEALTH

As a parent, you are in the best position to have ongoing, personalised conversations with your kids. This is one of the significant reasons why you should talk to your kids about sex.

For Young children

Self touch, touching their own genitals is common for young children. It’s self-soothing because it feels good.

NEVER shame them, no matter what age, what way, where or when they are touching themselves. Our mission is to support them by teaching healthy behaviours around self-touch and self-pleasure.

Use age-appropriate words to explain, but always use proper names such as “vulva”, “clitoris”, “penis”, and “scrotum”.

Here are some scripts you can have up your sleeve.

When you notice your child touching their genitals in public

• “I know that feels good, but it’s something we do in our privacy when other people aren’t around.”
• “Yes, it does feel good, honey. I know it feels good. But they’re not things we do in front of other people.”
• “Let’s do it in private. We eat our meals in our dining room/kitchen, we watch TV in our living room, you touch your genitals in your bedroom or bathroom.”

Teaching boundaries & consent

• “Just remember it’s something only you should do. I don’t want anyone else touching you there.”
• “Sometimes when you have problems in your genital area, your parents, doctor or nurse have to touch or look at it. Other than that, it’s not ok for other people to do it.”
• “You shouldn’t touch or look at other people’s genitals without permission.”
• “You must tell me, as soon as possible, if someone ever says or does something to you that hurts or doesn’t feel right – especially if they ask you to ‘keep it a secret’ –.” 

When your child asks you a sex related question when you are least expecting

• “I’m so glad you asked me that. That’s a really good question!”
• “Let’s discuss that more later on the way home/when we get back home/someplace where it’s not so noisy.” (Make sure to follow up)
• “I don’t know the answer, but I can find out.” (Make sure to do your research and follow up with your child)

NEVER say “shush!”

Saying “shush!” signals that you are not someone they can turn to with important questions like this. Always respond positively.

Respect privacy

If children of any age ask about your own sexual relations with your partner, you should tell them that it’s private information between you and your partner. So, you don’t discuss these things with others.

You may expect your older children to do the same.

Wrap-up

As a parent, you should be talking to your children about sex, which is an ongoing conversation, not “The Talk” that happens only once. Throughout their childhood, there is a need for us to intentionally engage with our children in this conversation, according to their individual development and personality.

Starting early is the key.

If your child is already a teen, initiating the conversation might be the highest obstacle to overcome.

Making it an ongoing conversation can also be challenging. Especially if your child doesn’t want to talk about it.

It’s not easy, I know.

However, it’s not that hard to remember why talking to your children about sex and masturbation is so important. Almost every day, we get constant reminders that our children are walking through the minefield of “sexuality” in our day and society.

Take the scripts from this post, adjust them to suit you & your children.

Be brave and let’s start the conversation.

This post was all about talking to your children about sex and masturbation.